Don't Give In

Why is sex so important?

Making love is one of the greatest ways a husband and wife can share their love for each other. It is a connection like no other. Makes me wonder why we don’t make it more of a priority. I think as wives we don’t realize the impact it has on our husbands.

Shaunti Feldhahn, in her book for women only, records what some men that took her survey said, “When she says no, I feel that I am REJECTED. No is not no to sex – as she might feel. It is no to me as I am. And I am vulnerable as I ask or initiate. It’s plain and simple rejection.” Another man says, “She doesn’t understand how even her occasional dismissals make me feel less desirable. I can’t resist her. I wish that I, too, were irresistible. She says I am. But her ability to say no so easily makes it hard to believe.”

These quotes really resonate with me. I remember when our kids were very little that I was always so tired – exhausted most of the time. When evening came all I wanted to do was fall in bed. It’s not that I didn’t want to be with my husband, it’s just that I was so physically and emotionally drained. I never took time for myself to recharge. With two very small children so close in age I often felt like a jungle gym- someone was always climbing on me, demanding my time. This made it very difficult when Bob wanted to visit the playground.

Unfortunately it took me a very long time to understand the effect that my giving in to fatigue had on our marriage. I would give in to the pillow instead of building up energy for my man. It hurts my heart to think how I made him feel all those years. It has been a long road back to a healthy relationship. But I’m here to tell you it can be done. I had to make a conscious mental choice to choose him. I prayed long and hard that God would give me energy. I prayed that He would bless our intimate time together and that He would help me to build my husband up. In the morning I would begin thinking of how I wanted our evening to go together. I would take practical steps to make sure we would be together and that the day would not end with me sacked out on the couch. Sometimes I would talk to my husband in the morning about how I wanted us to be together in the evening. That created anticipation and a bond that we hadn’t had before. This was definitely a challenge, especially because I require a lot of sleep. But I just had to keep going back to the fact that my marriage was a priority to me and I wanted to put my husband’s needs before my own.

If you find yourself in a similar position, I encourage you to do what you can to break the cycle. You can start with some of the things that I did, or come up with a plan that works best for you. I also began reading lots of books on relationships and marriage. Many of them were eye-openers. I have listed a few of them on the side bar.